A Letter to Liara
by JamieCOTC
Summary: Commander Shepard writes a message detailing and lamenting the events of "Arrival" to her lover and friend, Liara, T'Soni.


Warning: Contains spoilers for "Arrival" DLC

Liara,

By now you have heard of the destruction of the mass relay in the Bahak system and the deaths of over 300,000 Batarians and other inhabitants on the planet Aratoht. Your sources have no doubt informed you that I am responsible for this devastation, and your sources would be correct. Suffice to say, the Reapers were attempting to use the relay as a shortcut into our galaxy and the only way to stop them was to destroy the relay. Unfortunately, the destruction of the alpha relay, as it was called, resulted in the destruction of the system as well. I was told there were no survivors from the inhabited planet. I tried to warn them, but was "interrupted." I'm not certain there would have been enough time to evacuate the planet anyway.

Though your presence would be much appreciated, I know the moment I see you, I will fall apart. That can't happen. Not now. There is too much to do. Admiral Hackett has requested that I turn myself in to Alliance Command so they may charge me war crimes. The Alliance is fearful war would break out with the Batarians if someone doesn't take the fall. That would be me. A sacrificial lamb at a show trial put on to appease politicians and bureaucrats of both sides. At best they will see this trial for what it is, a colossal waste of time, and I will be back on mission in a few months. At worst - I don't think the Batarians would win in an extradition hearing. I suppose that is something.

The Normandy will be swinging by your base in a couple of days. I hope we can spend a few hours together before I have to head back to earth. I will be relinquishing my command shortly after we leave your base. Miranda will be the new CO. I'm sure Jack will be thrilled. I've suggested Garrus be Miranda's XO, but that will be her call. I need you both to play nice and continue the mission. Miranda may seem a bit distant and cold, but she wants the same thing we do, to stop the Reapers. With luck I will be back in command within a few months, but if not the mission must take priority. Keep digging through the Shadow Broker's intel. Find a way to stop them.

I know you, Liara. I know you will want to rescue me or dig up dirt on every top brass official in the Alliance Navy. Don't do it. I can't be on the run from the Alliance, the Council, the Batarians, Cerberus and stop the Reapers at the same time. I have to turn myself in. Please, let me do this my own way.

It's been two hours since I wrote that last paragraph. I'm still giving orders, still holding it all in. Forgive me if this message sounds impersonal. I need you to hear this from me. I need you to act on it. I can't stop commanding, can I?

The crew, they're good people. They look at me for leadership, but something has changed. Before, I saw respect in their eyes. Now, I see pity. I see horror. I see my friends wanting to comfort me, and I just brush them away. "I'm fine," I say, but I'm not. No one who screams into her pillow every night is "fine." I murdered 300, 000 people and everyone tells me that I did the "right thing." There is no goddamned "right" in this. I did the only thing I could do. Why me? Why did I push Kaidan out of the way? But if I hadn't we would all be dead. I used to hate Batarians. Sixteen years ago I would have rejoiced in having done this. I would have wanted to hear their death screams, just like - but Mindoir was a long time ago. I'm rambling. God, I want to hold you in my arms and make it all go away. I don't want to be Commander Shepard any more. I just want to be UJ and Liara, somewhere safe and happy. Marriage, old age and a lot of little blue children. That's what I want.

When you read this, please disregard the rather incoherent ramblings of a woman who, at the moment, can't stand the sight of herself. I will see you in a couple of days. Give my best to Feron.

Kind Regards,  
>Commander Shepard<p>

PS – Love you, UJ.


End file.
